I tend to do
stupid things when I fall in love, just as when I'm heartbroken. So I need to
calm down my self before I write something to you, so I will not write stupid
words like what I did on previous post.
I’m gonna
write something to you, little boy. Other thing that I wish it can reach you. I
will try to not look like I’m in misery or sounds like romantic fiction.
Kamu pernah
nonton Trilogy Before? Before Sunrise, Before Sunset dan Before Midnight? You
have to watch it. Recommended. Ada satu dialog di film Before Sunset yang
aku suka. Celine, karakter wanitanya bilang gini:
“Little things. I think it’s the same with people. I
see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that
I miss, and.. will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone
is made of such beautiful specific details.”
Paham nggak?
XD
That’s why I
never can get over the past. I always miss those details of you, of them. How
bad my ex-boyfriends hurted me, sometimes when I lay down on my bed at night I’m digging up those details until I fall asleep.
And lately,
I always thinking of your details. The sound of your laugh, the way you put
aside your alay-poni, the way you look at me when we
video calling, the way you sing your silly song, the way you told me to get
sleep or to take a bath cause it’s time to work for living. I really miss those
2 am conversation between us, I miss to hear your laugh, I miss to hear you
sing Iwan Fals’s songs, and I miss the moment when you mocking me about how
noob I am on playing game.
Aku sudah berusaha untuk menahan diri, mencoba untuk tau diri, and
I’ve told to you that you can’t say those words to a woman. Then it’s
happening. I’m twenty seven, soon to be twenty eight, has fell in love with
someone younger than me. It’s the craziest thing that I’ve ever done. Nggak masuk di akal hahaha.
I've told to
you about my fear, about what I’m gonna do in this life, about weird things that
stay in my head, about the stupid things that I did in the past. Aku sudah menelanjangi kepalaku ke kamu, dimana hal tersebut nggak bisa
aku lakukan ke yang lainnya. Because I’m believing you, wish you will
bring the light and walk with me to get through this darkness of mine. I know,
silly thought.
But
like I’ve told to you before, I hate to hope. It damages me if it’s not go the way I
planned. You’re the last person that make me hope. It’s been long time before I
met you, I stop hoping, I stop wishing, I stop praying. I’m just go with the
flow. But
why do I have this feeling? You're about to mess up my entire life x’D
But it’s okay now. Time solves most things. And I believe the time will
solve mine like how it used to be. Be happy, stay healthy. Have a great life.
Have fun with everything you’re gonna do. I wish you good luck everyday,
bastard.
